If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
