maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
