oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
