Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
