the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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