Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
