worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
