cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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