Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
