the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
