birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
