she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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