I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
