He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
