I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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