I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We're too hungover to prance.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
