If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
