I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
