ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
