Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
