I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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