I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I got inside last night via doggy door
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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