I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
