Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
