my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
