sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
