i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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