theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
