youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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