Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Oh god it's open bar.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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