she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
