You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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