I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
