i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize