you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
