I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
