i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
