somebody snuck up and got me drunk
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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