she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
