She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Can I color on your dick again?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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