I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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