im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My Higher Power is John Stamos
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
