a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
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