My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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