Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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