yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
