this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
