a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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