Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
