Kiss
Puke
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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