Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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