I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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