Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
