your room smells of hookers.
And success
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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