dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
