Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
