we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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