I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
