Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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