found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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