That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I AM VODKA MAN
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
