my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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