I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
