Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
