Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just blew my weed a kiss
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
