I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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