omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My penis needs a shock collar
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
