Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
