Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
