so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
